So I woke up thinking it was around 11:00 and that I missed class. Turns out it was 7:45 a.m. I got up and continued to doodle on my Jennell Ujima sketch then got out of bed put a hoodie on (nasty, I know) then proceeded to go to the dining hall to get brekkie. I had eggs, sausage, bacon, waffles and a bit of oatmeal (nasty, I know) so after I was done with my little breakfast buffet I went back to take a shower. I shaved my pits which I dont do so often (nasty, I know) finished showering and got dressed. I then landed myself in my 9:40 macroecomomics lecture which is where I am now. All the while I was feeling some kinda way (as usual) Corinne Bailey Rae's song seasons change was stuck in my head...."Patience is a virtue, and life is a waiting game, peace must be nurtured, and all the money in the world can't buy you nothing.....all these things happen for a reason, don't you go and throw it all away...when the seasons change" ....This is how I've been feeling lately it's good but scary. Sometimes change is scary, you wanna do it right and not be lazy about it. My levels of complacency tend to shift. Sometimes I can be happy with my life, waking up soooo thankul everyday, just as bubbly as ever. Other times I want more. Right now I want to grow.
Stretching my limbs to the rising spring sun....i know seasons are changing
Jennell Ujima
p.s. without you- I dont feel like Im a religious person, definitely not as much as I used to be and I am definitely not a holy roller but although I sometimes deny it I owe all the honour and praises to God...this song just reminds me to stay grateful and humble and not to forget that I am here for a higher puropse.
love
my little sis & I
24 February 2010
23 February 2010
L.E.T.T.I.N.G.O.
As you may or not know last month I started my journey in "college life" I mean I have an associates degree so I've been to college just not dorm/university life. I think I have transitioned very well but I have been feeling rather emotional lately. Positive and negative emotions...I've been feeling like my potential for growth here is never ending, I just dont know how to get there. Ive been thinking about this particular scripture that is significant to me:
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Everything Has Its Time
1 To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:
2 A time to be born,
And a time to die;
A time to plant,
And a time to pluck what is planted;
3 A time to kill,
And a time to heal;
A time to break down,
And a time to build up;
4 A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;
5 A time to cast away stones,
And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace,
And a time to refrain from embracing;
6 A time to gain,
And a time to lose;
A time to keep,
And a time to throw away;
7 A time to tear,
And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence,
And a time to speak;
8 A time to love,
And a time to hate;
A time of war,
And a time of peace.
This passage reminds me of things that need to be carried out in my life, burdens to life, garbage to take out...I feel as though everything has a season and people have seasons in your life...they can either move and grow with you or they have to be left behind. There are some people in my life that I've played forgive and forget with too many times and I think sometimes too many times is twice. Im guilty of giving people second chances and letting them bounce in and out of my life after they ruin or dont utilize that second oppurtunity. I am not perfect but I think in my life and especially at this time I deserve to have friends and family who can support me and grow with me. By recieving this education and improving myself in different areas I feel as though I'm learning more and growing more to share more.
This is a strange time in my life because doors that I thought were closed are now opening. I am asked to think about things and question society in ways I never did. I am encouraged to challenge and understand my diverse peers. I just may be falling in love with my first love all over again and its really scary. Im doing my best to cut a lot of bullshit out of my life and start lying to myself. Ive met some amazing people and I need to do what I can to open up and make sure they dont become "half way" friends like some people in my life now. I have been so used to being closed off and letting things slide that I do not fully discern my emotions. I am also horrible regarding others emotions. If someone pisses me off or acts funny theyre done, Im not chasing them and asking whats wrong or beggging for companionship. I let the wrong people slide and the right ones have to end up feeling this womans scorn. I am only human. Sometimes I want proof that a frienship or love is valid...real things come back...real friends forgive, real friends dont judge you by your flaws, they know how to regulate. I am working on realizing who is real and who is not in a non-confrontational way. I want to wear my heart on my sleeve but not my flaws. I want to stop feeling "some kinda way" all the time.
On the other hand, I really feel like I can grow here, all of the oppurtunities I said wanted to have, to dance, to learn to draw better, to take photos, theyre all available here and they are easily accessible. I want to learn to cut mens hair and I am hopefully getting lessons from this really cool dude tomorrow. He's got skills. lol. I just want to be good at what I love. i want to embrace and understand my culture. I want to rethink and unteach myself what was cast upon me by media and capitalist America, I want to form my own opinion of why people did what they did historically and how it affects them today (slavery>jim crow laws and civil rights> Afrocentrism) I want to form my own opinions on Americas influence on Africa and Africa's influence on the Americas during the transatlantic slave trade. I know it sounds wack but if we can reteach ourselves what was regulated and forced upon us we can become better individuals. I'm not saying there is something horrible about the government, but there is a lot of propaganda and stereotypes that we are tricked to believing as truth.
What is the true definition of gender?
Do men really dominate? Do blacks in the media portray themselves the way whites portrayed them in the 1920's and subtly still do now; as servants, a permanent inferior race, men being criminals and women being bitter and loose?
I want to think for myself instead of being gullible and ignorant, I was before I came here but I didn't know. Believe me i am nowhere near my full potential and I have a lot to learn but I am more willing to be expressive from the inside out.
I just have to know who is on a similar journey with me? Who is already there? What do I have to give to the world? How and where do I make a difference? Can I turn these frustrations and confusion into something positive?
The world is in our hands
Jennell Candice Ujima
----a song I love...by an artist I love
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Everything Has Its Time
1 To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:
2 A time to be born,
And a time to die;
A time to plant,
And a time to pluck what is planted;
3 A time to kill,
And a time to heal;
A time to break down,
And a time to build up;
4 A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;
5 A time to cast away stones,
And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace,
And a time to refrain from embracing;
6 A time to gain,
And a time to lose;
A time to keep,
And a time to throw away;
7 A time to tear,
And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence,
And a time to speak;
8 A time to love,
And a time to hate;
A time of war,
And a time of peace.
This passage reminds me of things that need to be carried out in my life, burdens to life, garbage to take out...I feel as though everything has a season and people have seasons in your life...they can either move and grow with you or they have to be left behind. There are some people in my life that I've played forgive and forget with too many times and I think sometimes too many times is twice. Im guilty of giving people second chances and letting them bounce in and out of my life after they ruin or dont utilize that second oppurtunity. I am not perfect but I think in my life and especially at this time I deserve to have friends and family who can support me and grow with me. By recieving this education and improving myself in different areas I feel as though I'm learning more and growing more to share more.
This is a strange time in my life because doors that I thought were closed are now opening. I am asked to think about things and question society in ways I never did. I am encouraged to challenge and understand my diverse peers. I just may be falling in love with my first love all over again and its really scary. Im doing my best to cut a lot of bullshit out of my life and start lying to myself. Ive met some amazing people and I need to do what I can to open up and make sure they dont become "half way" friends like some people in my life now. I have been so used to being closed off and letting things slide that I do not fully discern my emotions. I am also horrible regarding others emotions. If someone pisses me off or acts funny theyre done, Im not chasing them and asking whats wrong or beggging for companionship. I let the wrong people slide and the right ones have to end up feeling this womans scorn. I am only human. Sometimes I want proof that a frienship or love is valid...real things come back...real friends forgive, real friends dont judge you by your flaws, they know how to regulate. I am working on realizing who is real and who is not in a non-confrontational way. I want to wear my heart on my sleeve but not my flaws. I want to stop feeling "some kinda way" all the time.
On the other hand, I really feel like I can grow here, all of the oppurtunities I said wanted to have, to dance, to learn to draw better, to take photos, theyre all available here and they are easily accessible. I want to learn to cut mens hair and I am hopefully getting lessons from this really cool dude tomorrow. He's got skills. lol. I just want to be good at what I love. i want to embrace and understand my culture. I want to rethink and unteach myself what was cast upon me by media and capitalist America, I want to form my own opinion of why people did what they did historically and how it affects them today (slavery>jim crow laws and civil rights> Afrocentrism) I want to form my own opinions on Americas influence on Africa and Africa's influence on the Americas during the transatlantic slave trade. I know it sounds wack but if we can reteach ourselves what was regulated and forced upon us we can become better individuals. I'm not saying there is something horrible about the government, but there is a lot of propaganda and stereotypes that we are tricked to believing as truth.
What is the true definition of gender?
Do men really dominate? Do blacks in the media portray themselves the way whites portrayed them in the 1920's and subtly still do now; as servants, a permanent inferior race, men being criminals and women being bitter and loose?
I want to think for myself instead of being gullible and ignorant, I was before I came here but I didn't know. Believe me i am nowhere near my full potential and I have a lot to learn but I am more willing to be expressive from the inside out.
I just have to know who is on a similar journey with me? Who is already there? What do I have to give to the world? How and where do I make a difference? Can I turn these frustrations and confusion into something positive?
The world is in our hands
Jennell Candice Ujima
----a song I love...by an artist I love
17 February 2010
16 February 2010
So this blog was originally intended to be about natural hair. I have been a natural (this time around)since May 2009 which has been, suprisingly nine months. I have been reading tons of blogs and websites about natural hair such as bglhonline.com, leaveinthekinks.com and several blogspot blogs. Since I cannot afford products I would like to use such as Miss Jessies and Kinky Curly I have made some conconctions myself and used some ideas that I got off of others.
I am trying hard to deep condition my hair every week and trim the ends every 6 weeks but it gets a little hard being away at school. This week instead of using my hot oil treatment or cholestrol conditioner under a hooded dryer I chose a more natural option and less used route. I read the blog naturallyfabulous.blogspot.com and came up with this concoction which is a mix of liquid amino acids which have been shown to strengthen my hair and define the curl, as well as honey for moisture(which I was disappointed to find out was fake, but thats what happens when men get your supplies :)) and two raw eggs for added protien.
I was going to cowash my hair with tresemme as seen which I usually do but since I wore this twist out fro-hawk for the past 3 or 4 days I chose to wash my hair with Dr. Bronners peppermint castile soap which is all natural organic hemp soap for hair and body. After I massaged my scalp with it and let it sit for a few minutes I rinsed and applied the egg mix. Since my friends were waiting for me to go to meet the Greek with them and the mixture was really drippy I dodnt want to leave the shower even with a shower cap. I left it on for approx. ten minutes then rinsed with lukewarm water.
When I was done my hair was noticably thicker and the curls were more defined but I think the definition was because I have had my hair in twistouts all weekend and I applied my homemade shea butter mix (shea butter, lavendar oil,coconut oil and tea tree oil) instead of the usual i.c. fantasia gel.
So the frizz wasnt reduced like I expected but I do feel like my hair is a bit stronger. I do believe my hairstyle for this weekend deverves credit though. I started off doing kinky twists because I wanted to wear my hair like that for a week and eventually do a twist out. It wasnt as neat as I wanted so the next day I took it out and fluffed it. I wore it like that for a day or two then brushed the sides into a banana clip to create a fro-hawk effect. I rocked this for a few days, embracing its messy-ness. These few pics you see are from a fraternity-sorority stroll show after-party I attended with a friend :)
--Umoja--Imani-Jennell Ujima
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