So I haven't written for 4 months and I've decided to somewhat "force" myself to continue, not really force but, heck, I'm lazy. And busy. So the other day I had this pretty interesting conversation last night. I was talking to a friends brother and he was hitting on me. Now I don't know what he wanted. Sometimes you never know what some men want until the end...sex, a relationship, something in between... Nonetheless none of it matters because I am very happily taken.

Yet I thought about some of this boys arguments after turning down his offer because I am sure a lot of black women like myself have gone through this; on the other hand I'm sure a lot would have fallen for his antics or could love him for who he was. I couldn't. He had previous drug charges, had been to jail and had an active warrant; yet was still telling me he wanted to get to know me! Are you trying to ruin my life?? Mind you, when I was young I went out with men who were less than perfect and was very emotionally accommodating. But not physically, and they cheated.

Now that I'm grown I don't have time for a man with "issues". I know, I know...some of ya'll still have that "I luh him, dats my man, Imma ride or die" Rhianna/Tiny mindset. But not I. I don't expect you to be perfect when I meet you but please have potential. I'm not saying this as a woman who is the highly debated "welfare-queen" who goes off and spends child support on weaves and clothes instead of her children. What is it that KanYe said? "She was supposed to by shorty Tyco, with ur money, she went and got lipo wit ya moneyy" Uugh protect ya stacks lol, well share, just don't be stupid about it. Anyway Im not putting him down I'm just saying things have to even up. I'm holding 2 jobs and going to a "public-ivy league" university...wont say which lol but I hustle, legally. I need (well, have) man who does the same. I'm not saying this to brag, because this is not something I was born into, this took a lot of prayer and fighting against the cards I was dealt. It took a lot of decisions to sit this one out, to not get involved with this one or that one. Success is a conscious efforts. Sometimes when you climb a step, you fall down twenty, but you push back, you grin and bear it.

So he asked me where my boyfriend was....home sleeping. You believe that? Yessss. I know what he's up to and I TRUST him. Why do people act like you cant trust your spouse if they aren't right with you right there? I've had people tell me he was cheating when he was away at university. Didn't believe it. So why don't I deserve a man that works, doesn't deal drugs or do things people wouldn't approve of. He asked if his finger was swollen from fighting. I said idk you shouldn't have been fighting. I don't like a man who picks fights, not saying you run no potential of being a decent man; but why cant you learn to negotiate or not be unreasonable. He sat there and bragged to me about how he dragged his brother out because his brother thought he was better than him. He laughed about breaking his whole car window (back) with a brick ten minutes before I got there.

If I prefer men who they think are "corney,lames, can't do it like they do, or are not them" then I am considered a sell out. God forbid I date a white man smh. I've had my bf be called corney or stuck up several times, I could care less because at the end of the day he looks out for me and takes care of business. I think that is what every woman deserves. Not a man she is going to nurse to health after mindless bullet wounds, bail out or write in jail (prob will carrying/been had his child), or talk him out of fights or calm him down, I'm a teammate, not an accomplice. I know I'm ranting but I feel the need to. There must be someone else who dealt with this and this hasn't been my first time.

I'm not saying I would never end up with a person who never graduated high school, because you see all of those Madea movies with the hardworking, honest man with potential....but it would never be my preference. I don't think I fear a man who does better than me, because I have a lot to offer. I like stability. I don't like someone who leads a dangerous or confrontational lifestyle. I CANNOT STAND Gucci Mane or Waka Flocka (however you spell it). He calls it music you can cope to. I call it complete garbage. Degrading women, (who sometimes like to be degraded, or have "no daddy" syndrome...another debate), flossing money, flaunting drugs and an extravagant lifestyle, is not my choice of music. I can take some, maybe some KanYe arrogance, Jay-Z sometimes, but none of that. So that was a strike, if I'm going to be around you I'm going to have to hear that or you rapping it to yourself (pet peeve), and I'll pass.

Another thing he was complementing me on was my hair. I'm a natural as you can tell in this blog and he asked me what I was mixed with because I have "good hair" I don't like that theory at all. Nappy hair is "good hair", natural hair is "good hair". I was then told I must be mixed race because I carry myself as such, I was mistaken for a West Indian. Honestly, I don't know that much about my culture but I make it my mission to show that African American women are beautiful, mixed race or not.

So I wasn't ballsy enough to tell him these are the reasons I don't see myself with you or involved with you (your ass is half out ur pants, you flee the cops, you fight a lot) or this is why my boyfriend is better (he has a real job, is a college grad, is my best friend)...even though he thinks he will show me who is better. He offered me his number and an invitation to watch a movie on his new 60" 3D TV, as if that's all I care about (because "its real, he has it, it exists, he'll look it up now") BTW I didn't ask. He told me right off the bat that women wont look at you if you don't have money. Nine out of ten wont pay you any mind, they don't want to do anything with you if you don't have money. "His money never goes though, he always has stacks" -__- I don't need that much money, yes please have your own, but mainly, have motivation. Have drive and talent and something different. When I denied his number he showed me a way to memorize the numbers, this showed me that he had the potential to be brilliant in school, if he applied himself and hadn't made so many dumb mistakes already.

Now I want to clarify; this post isn't about this particular dude, its about the fact that this is the real world. Women and men like this exist. Women fall for men like this and get hurt and involved in crime and bullshit likewise. I've had friends whose moms cheated and had a child by another man but the parents worked it out, a friend whose father was in jail a lot of his life, and now he is home, working it out and being a father. Every relationship is different and it makes the world beautiful. My father told me that black women only want you if you have money or the latest clothes and cars, and that is how he got into dating white women. He also says its based on what was available. I will post on interracial relationships and the black woman is the victim from Sarah Baartman and slavery to the modern day fooled, nagging baby mama. That's if you want. Like I said this is real to me, hopefully to you guys too. I feel blessed that I have a good man, not saying that there are horrible men out there 90% of the time. Some just need a woman to love and nurture them. My uncle is jobless and suffers from alcholism but I am seeing more and more that he has good intent, he just lost his footing and hasn't gained it back. I don't know if he ever will but he has a woman who cares for him and hopefully they love each other. I'm not planning on leaving my boyfriend if he loses his job, or gets into a senseless fight or something else reckless because I know he has a lot to offer to the universe and a good heart that shows. We all just have to work to make our intentions clear, and our hearts free. If we do good and put our best foot forward while not hiding our flaws, we can get whatever we want.

POST SCRIPT: After conversating with my man I think I might have come at this theory with a condescending and biased point of view. Everyone deserves love and aknowledgement and I'm not saying that isn't true. Through trial and error I've learned that you can influence people but you can't change who they are, you can't be someones savior. You can help someone and give them your love but you may not always turn their stormy season into sunshine. This was to question what makes people who they are. How much can people change? What drives people to join a gang or sell? Is it the parents influence, a product of their enviornment? A necessity, a choice? Thinking of people like this in my family and in my boyfriends family makes me reconsider the things I said, because blood is blood and family is family regardless of the lives they choose. These feelings are completely mine and raw so I will leave them as is. This is just my interpretation and questioning on the issues we seldom discuss head on. (Such disclaimers lol)



I'll leave you guys with this:
I hope you can find someone who is true to you and there for you. A person who is good to you, even when you are not good to yourself...If you do have them I hope you cherish them