I consider myself an average 20 year old who doesn't know who she wants to be and where to start...
I was just telling a friend I want to be cool (soulful Erykah Badu swag) lol
I want to wear vintage clothes, do yoga and chill out with other girls with TWA's (teeny weeny afros)
as for now I'm living in a culture deprived town preparing and waiting and hoping to attend Binghamton University upstate at the end of the month.
I would start by telling you who I am where I live and what I do but I am going to Tarantino it as Dane Cook would say and do it in reverse.
Whats on my mind right now is the fact that my mother ,who has been plagued with Multiple Sclerosis basically most of her adult life and is in a nursing home, may be having a relapse and going into the hospital. I hate relapses. These aren't relapses like ooh I'm on that crack again...whether it be crack cocaine or creamy crack (relaxer) lol...These are relapses you don't cause and cant stop and each one makes the situation worse....my friend Erick prays for my mom sometimes and I told her she was in a home and he asked how old she was and I told him 41, she will be 42 on the ninth and shes been there since she was 31.....(this disease is progressive, she hasn't always not been able to walk or function) anyway he said that was too young...but really what is too young...so many crazy things happen to our youth now a days...What do you think? When is too young...who decides who lives and who dies or when a child gets ill? I have a friend who lost a grandma and I don't know the details (i think she was young) but she misses her abuela so much and ppl say oh well they were old but does that mean the youth get mourned more than the elderly?
I had this crazy dream last night that I was hanging out with my friends and I waltzed in to visit my mom and the aid was putting a toe tag on her body....I haven't had a dream about her dying since I was a kid and this was unnerving...I knew it wasn't true but the dream continued...I was sitting there screaming and crying, yelling about how I was sorry for having my priorities so fucked up and one day I got a call and she said the usual hi baby, what are you doing? and asked the usual million questions and i cried and said i was sorry, so sorry and she said for what, and i said mommy I'm sorry i miss you.....a little while later I woke and my mom told me about some dream she had and told me not to worry, that shes not going anywhere. the dream symbolized my priorities and what i need to change.
Anyway I'm going to stop the talk on death and dying, doing this is actually therapy, and i know i may seem crazy but I'm not lol i intended to write about hair and fashion but when my mom called saying she was short of breath and her heart was racing i had to share my fears.....
and don't worry I am hoping the nurse has a hold of this and if not i will march my little ass down there blizzard, dangerous roads and everything and regulate.
family comes first.
speaking of that
i found these pics from Sept o9 while browsing and decided to share
they are of my 4 year old God son a.k.a. husband lol and his 11 year old sister
my fro is in a high headband and actually grew since then
I got braces the next month
change is beautiful.
Peace.
POST SCRIPT....I meant for the images to be on the bottom as they were supposed to be the rainbow after the storm but they got uploaded last and Im not familiar with how to put them between or after paragraphs...If you know how to let me know. Thanks
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