So I haven't written for 4 months and I've decided to somewhat "force" myself to continue, not really force but, heck, I'm lazy. And busy. So the other day I had this pretty interesting conversation last night. I was talking to a friends brother and he was hitting on me. Now I don't know what he wanted. Sometimes you never know what some men want until the end...sex, a relationship, something in between... Nonetheless none of it matters because I am very happily taken.

Yet I thought about some of this boys arguments after turning down his offer because I am sure a lot of black women like myself have gone through this; on the other hand I'm sure a lot would have fallen for his antics or could love him for who he was. I couldn't. He had previous drug charges, had been to jail and had an active warrant; yet was still telling me he wanted to get to know me! Are you trying to ruin my life?? Mind you, when I was young I went out with men who were less than perfect and was very emotionally accommodating. But not physically, and they cheated.

Now that I'm grown I don't have time for a man with "issues". I know, I know...some of ya'll still have that "I luh him, dats my man, Imma ride or die" Rhianna/Tiny mindset. But not I. I don't expect you to be perfect when I meet you but please have potential. I'm not saying this as a woman who is the highly debated "welfare-queen" who goes off and spends child support on weaves and clothes instead of her children. What is it that KanYe said? "She was supposed to by shorty Tyco, with ur money, she went and got lipo wit ya moneyy" Uugh protect ya stacks lol, well share, just don't be stupid about it. Anyway Im not putting him down I'm just saying things have to even up. I'm holding 2 jobs and going to a "public-ivy league" university...wont say which lol but I hustle, legally. I need (well, have) man who does the same. I'm not saying this to brag, because this is not something I was born into, this took a lot of prayer and fighting against the cards I was dealt. It took a lot of decisions to sit this one out, to not get involved with this one or that one. Success is a conscious efforts. Sometimes when you climb a step, you fall down twenty, but you push back, you grin and bear it.

So he asked me where my boyfriend was....home sleeping. You believe that? Yessss. I know what he's up to and I TRUST him. Why do people act like you cant trust your spouse if they aren't right with you right there? I've had people tell me he was cheating when he was away at university. Didn't believe it. So why don't I deserve a man that works, doesn't deal drugs or do things people wouldn't approve of. He asked if his finger was swollen from fighting. I said idk you shouldn't have been fighting. I don't like a man who picks fights, not saying you run no potential of being a decent man; but why cant you learn to negotiate or not be unreasonable. He sat there and bragged to me about how he dragged his brother out because his brother thought he was better than him. He laughed about breaking his whole car window (back) with a brick ten minutes before I got there.

If I prefer men who they think are "corney,lames, can't do it like they do, or are not them" then I am considered a sell out. God forbid I date a white man smh. I've had my bf be called corney or stuck up several times, I could care less because at the end of the day he looks out for me and takes care of business. I think that is what every woman deserves. Not a man she is going to nurse to health after mindless bullet wounds, bail out or write in jail (prob will carrying/been had his child), or talk him out of fights or calm him down, I'm a teammate, not an accomplice. I know I'm ranting but I feel the need to. There must be someone else who dealt with this and this hasn't been my first time.

I'm not saying I would never end up with a person who never graduated high school, because you see all of those Madea movies with the hardworking, honest man with potential....but it would never be my preference. I don't think I fear a man who does better than me, because I have a lot to offer. I like stability. I don't like someone who leads a dangerous or confrontational lifestyle. I CANNOT STAND Gucci Mane or Waka Flocka (however you spell it). He calls it music you can cope to. I call it complete garbage. Degrading women, (who sometimes like to be degraded, or have "no daddy" syndrome...another debate), flossing money, flaunting drugs and an extravagant lifestyle, is not my choice of music. I can take some, maybe some KanYe arrogance, Jay-Z sometimes, but none of that. So that was a strike, if I'm going to be around you I'm going to have to hear that or you rapping it to yourself (pet peeve), and I'll pass.

Another thing he was complementing me on was my hair. I'm a natural as you can tell in this blog and he asked me what I was mixed with because I have "good hair" I don't like that theory at all. Nappy hair is "good hair", natural hair is "good hair". I was then told I must be mixed race because I carry myself as such, I was mistaken for a West Indian. Honestly, I don't know that much about my culture but I make it my mission to show that African American women are beautiful, mixed race or not.

So I wasn't ballsy enough to tell him these are the reasons I don't see myself with you or involved with you (your ass is half out ur pants, you flee the cops, you fight a lot) or this is why my boyfriend is better (he has a real job, is a college grad, is my best friend)...even though he thinks he will show me who is better. He offered me his number and an invitation to watch a movie on his new 60" 3D TV, as if that's all I care about (because "its real, he has it, it exists, he'll look it up now") BTW I didn't ask. He told me right off the bat that women wont look at you if you don't have money. Nine out of ten wont pay you any mind, they don't want to do anything with you if you don't have money. "His money never goes though, he always has stacks" -__- I don't need that much money, yes please have your own, but mainly, have motivation. Have drive and talent and something different. When I denied his number he showed me a way to memorize the numbers, this showed me that he had the potential to be brilliant in school, if he applied himself and hadn't made so many dumb mistakes already.

Now I want to clarify; this post isn't about this particular dude, its about the fact that this is the real world. Women and men like this exist. Women fall for men like this and get hurt and involved in crime and bullshit likewise. I've had friends whose moms cheated and had a child by another man but the parents worked it out, a friend whose father was in jail a lot of his life, and now he is home, working it out and being a father. Every relationship is different and it makes the world beautiful. My father told me that black women only want you if you have money or the latest clothes and cars, and that is how he got into dating white women. He also says its based on what was available. I will post on interracial relationships and the black woman is the victim from Sarah Baartman and slavery to the modern day fooled, nagging baby mama. That's if you want. Like I said this is real to me, hopefully to you guys too. I feel blessed that I have a good man, not saying that there are horrible men out there 90% of the time. Some just need a woman to love and nurture them. My uncle is jobless and suffers from alcholism but I am seeing more and more that he has good intent, he just lost his footing and hasn't gained it back. I don't know if he ever will but he has a woman who cares for him and hopefully they love each other. I'm not planning on leaving my boyfriend if he loses his job, or gets into a senseless fight or something else reckless because I know he has a lot to offer to the universe and a good heart that shows. We all just have to work to make our intentions clear, and our hearts free. If we do good and put our best foot forward while not hiding our flaws, we can get whatever we want.

POST SCRIPT: After conversating with my man I think I might have come at this theory with a condescending and biased point of view. Everyone deserves love and aknowledgement and I'm not saying that isn't true. Through trial and error I've learned that you can influence people but you can't change who they are, you can't be someones savior. You can help someone and give them your love but you may not always turn their stormy season into sunshine. This was to question what makes people who they are. How much can people change? What drives people to join a gang or sell? Is it the parents influence, a product of their enviornment? A necessity, a choice? Thinking of people like this in my family and in my boyfriends family makes me reconsider the things I said, because blood is blood and family is family regardless of the lives they choose. These feelings are completely mine and raw so I will leave them as is. This is just my interpretation and questioning on the issues we seldom discuss head on. (Such disclaimers lol)



I'll leave you guys with this:
I hope you can find someone who is true to you and there for you. A person who is good to you, even when you are not good to yourself...If you do have them I hope you cherish them

Seasons Change

So I woke up thinking it was around 11:00 and that I missed class. Turns out it was 7:45 a.m. I got up and continued to doodle on my Jennell Ujima sketch then got out of bed put a hoodie on (nasty, I know) then proceeded to go to the dining hall to get brekkie. I had eggs, sausage, bacon, waffles and a bit of oatmeal (nasty, I know) so after I was done with my little breakfast buffet I went back to take a shower. I shaved my pits which I dont do so often (nasty, I know) finished showering and got dressed. I then landed myself in my 9:40 macroecomomics lecture which is where I am now. All the while I was feeling some kinda way (as usual) Corinne Bailey Rae's song seasons change was stuck in my head...."Patience is a virtue, and life is a waiting game, peace must be nurtured, and all the money in the world can't buy you nothing.....all these things happen for a reason, don't you go and throw it all away...when the seasons change" ....This is how I've been feeling lately it's good but scary. Sometimes change is scary, you wanna do it right and not be lazy about it. My levels of complacency tend to shift. Sometimes I can be happy with my life, waking up soooo thankul everyday, just as bubbly as ever. Other times I want more. Right now I want to grow.
Stretching my limbs to the rising spring sun....i know seasons are changing
Jennell Ujima





p.s. without you- I dont feel like Im a religious person, definitely not as much as I used to be and I am definitely not a holy roller but although I sometimes deny it I owe all the honour and praises to God...this song just reminds me to stay grateful and humble and not to forget that I am here for a higher puropse.

L.E.T.T.I.N.G.O.

As you may or not know last month I started my journey in "college life" I mean I have an associates degree so I've been to college just not dorm/university life. I think I have transitioned very well but I have been feeling rather emotional lately. Positive and negative emotions...I've been feeling like my potential for growth here is never ending, I just dont know how to get there. Ive been thinking about this particular scripture that is significant to me:

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Everything Has Its Time
1 To everything there is a season,

A time for every purpose under heaven:
2 A time to be born,
And a time to die;
A time to plant,
And a time to pluck what is planted;
3 A time to kill,
And a time to heal;
A time to break down,
And a time to build up;
4 A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;
5 A time to cast away stones,
And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace,
And a time to refrain from embracing;
6 A time to gain,
And a time to lose;
A time to keep,
And a time to throw away;
7 A time to tear,
And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence,
And a time to speak;
8 A time to love,
And a time to hate;
A time of war,
And a time of peace.

This passage reminds me of things that need to be carried out in my life, burdens to life, garbage to take out...I feel as though everything has a season and people have seasons in your life...they can either move and grow with you or they have to be left behind. There are some people in my life that I've played forgive and forget with too many times and I think sometimes too many times is twice. Im guilty of giving people second chances and letting them bounce in and out of my life after they ruin or dont utilize that second oppurtunity. I am not perfect but I think in my life and especially at this time I deserve to have friends and family who can support me and grow with me. By recieving this education and improving myself in different areas I feel as though I'm learning more and growing more to share more.
This is a strange time in my life because doors that I thought were closed are now opening. I am asked to think about things and question society in ways I never did. I am encouraged to challenge and understand my diverse peers. I just may be falling in love with my first love all over again and its really scary. Im doing my best to cut a lot of bullshit out of my life and start lying to myself. Ive met some amazing people and I need to do what I can to open up and make sure they dont become "half way" friends like some people in my life now. I have been so used to being closed off and letting things slide that I do not fully discern my emotions. I am also horrible regarding others emotions. If someone pisses me off or acts funny theyre done, Im not chasing them and asking whats wrong or beggging for companionship. I let the wrong people slide and the right ones have to end up feeling this womans scorn. I am only human. Sometimes I want proof that a frienship or love is valid...real things come back...real friends forgive, real friends dont judge you by your flaws, they know how to regulate. I am working on realizing who is real and who is not in a non-confrontational way. I want to wear my heart on my sleeve but not my flaws. I want to stop feeling "some kinda way" all the time.


On the other hand, I really feel like I can grow here, all of the oppurtunities I said wanted to have, to dance, to learn to draw better, to take photos, theyre all available here and they are easily accessible. I want to learn to cut mens hair and I am hopefully getting lessons from this really cool dude tomorrow. He's got skills. lol. I just want to be good at what I love. i want to embrace and understand my culture. I want to rethink and unteach myself what was cast upon me by media and capitalist America, I want to form my own opinion of why people did what they did historically and how it affects them today (slavery>jim crow laws and civil rights> Afrocentrism) I want to form my own opinions on Americas influence on Africa and Africa's influence on the Americas during the transatlantic slave trade. I know it sounds wack but if we can reteach ourselves what was regulated and forced upon us we can become better individuals. I'm not saying there is something horrible about the government, but there is a lot of propaganda and stereotypes that we are tricked to believing as truth.
What is the true definition of gender?
Do men really dominate? Do blacks in the media portray themselves the way whites portrayed them in the 1920's and subtly still do now; as servants, a permanent inferior race, men being criminals and women being bitter and loose?
I want to think for myself instead of being gullible and ignorant, I was before I came here but I didn't know. Believe me i am nowhere near my full potential and I have a lot to learn but I am more willing to be expressive from the inside out.
I just have to know who is on a similar journey with me? Who is already there? What do I have to give to the world? How and where do I make a difference? Can I turn these frustrations and confusion into something positive?

The world is in our hands
Jennell Candice Ujima

----a song I love...by an artist I love

stroll show afterparty

more hair pics and the party...

So this blog was originally intended to be about natural hair. I have been a natural (this time around)since May 2009 which has been, suprisingly nine months. I have been reading tons of blogs and websites about natural hair such as bglhonline.com, leaveinthekinks.com and several blogspot blogs. Since I cannot afford products I would like to use such as Miss Jessies and Kinky Curly I have made some conconctions myself and used some ideas that I got off of others.
I am trying hard to deep condition my hair every week and trim the ends every 6 weeks but it gets a little hard being away at school. This week instead of using my hot oil treatment or cholestrol conditioner under a hooded dryer I chose a more natural option and less used route. I read the blog naturallyfabulous.blogspot.com and came up with this concoction which is a mix of liquid amino acids which have been shown to strengthen my hair and define the curl, as well as honey for moisture(which I was disappointed to find out was fake, but thats what happens when men get your supplies :)) and two raw eggs for added protien.
I was going to cowash my hair with tresemme as seen which I usually do but since I wore this twist out fro-hawk for the past 3 or 4 days I chose to wash my hair with Dr. Bronners peppermint castile soap which is all natural organic hemp soap for hair and body. After I massaged my scalp with it and let it sit for a few minutes I rinsed and applied the egg mix. Since my friends were waiting for me to go to meet the Greek with them and the mixture was really drippy I dodnt want to leave the shower even with a shower cap. I left it on for approx. ten minutes then rinsed with lukewarm water.
When I was done my hair was noticably thicker and the curls were more defined but I think the definition was because I have had my hair in twistouts all weekend and I applied my homemade shea butter mix (shea butter, lavendar oil,coconut oil and tea tree oil) instead of the usual i.c. fantasia gel.
So the frizz wasnt reduced like I expected but I do feel like my hair is a bit stronger. I do believe my hairstyle for this weekend deverves credit though. I started off doing kinky twists because I wanted to wear my hair like that for a week and eventually do a twist out. It wasnt as neat as I wanted so the next day I took it out and fluffed it. I wore it like that for a day or two then brushed the sides into a banana clip to create a fro-hawk effect. I rocked this for a few days, embracing its messy-ness. These few pics you see are from a fraternity-sorority stroll show after-party I attended with a friend :)

--Umoja--Imani-Jennell Ujima

an old and basically insignifcant even i thought i would still talk about...meeting run

i know nothing about run dmc except for the fact that they created "walk this way", wore "my adidias" and had three group members. I still was fortunate enought to have a run in with DMC from the group (no pun inteneded,really...lol im lame)






it was April of last year and I was in a formal meeting for something...I think it was some type of awards ceremony my then-boyfriend and I attended. We were all done recieving our honors (this was Suffolk Community College in selden) and I saw a poster about how DMC was going to be there speaking about youth and rap these days. plus i think he has a book out. we were already missing class on our home campus and this event was practically over. I wanted to take a peek at his speech but it wasnt really right to go back and forth.






We later found out that there was a lunch reception and meet and greet for him in the same room we were in so we stayed. I went to the car to get my camera. My ex called me a groupie but I called it a nice photo-op...like I said I didnt even know DMC but my parents did so I said hello and got a picture. I am sure it was a good time for our student ambassadors who organized the event. I was really involved in my campus and recieved the Get There From Here scholarship :) (love my fellow scholars) but I really cant remember what we were there for that day -__- anyway if u care here are some pics:

P.S. this blog is also about natural hair...notice the slight difference in my fro in April after the big chop (TWA lol) and in December (with the bang) :) so hype lol

Cherish The Memories- JennellUjima

Tatted Up...My tattoos and feelings twoards them in general

I have two tattoos that I got when I was 18 and 19. The first is an ankh which is an ancient amulet and a symbol for life and fertility. I don't know if I am legally allowed to copy this but to avoid typing in detail (yes, i am lazy) wikipedia says:

The ankh appears frequently in Egyptian tomb paintings and other art, often at the fingertips of a god or goddess in images that represent the deities of the afterlife conferring the gift of life on the dead person's mummy; this is thought to symbolize the act of conception. Additionally, an ankh was often carried by Egyptians as an amulet, either alone, or in connection with two other hieroglyphs that mean "strength" and "health" The ankh was almost never drawn in silver; as a sun-symbol, the Egyptians almost invariably crafted important examples of it (for tombs or other purposes) from the metal they most associated with the sun, gold. Note the striking example of how the depiction of the Ancient Egyptian Ankh was preserved by the Copts in their representation of the Christian cross

the earliest suggestions is that of Thomas Inman, first published in 1869:[2]
[It] is by Egyptologists called the symbol of life. It is also called the 'handled cross,' or crux ansata. It represents the male triad and the female unit, under a decent form. There are few symbols more commonly met with in Egyptian art. In some remarkable sculptures, where the sun's rays are represented as terminating in hands, the offerings which these bring are many a crux ansata, emblematic of the truth that a fruitful union is a gift from the deity. the Ankh, symbol of life, thoracic vertebra of a bull (seen in cross section)

the Djed, symbol of stability, base on sacrum of a bull's spine (base)
the Was, symbol of power and dominion, a staff featuring the head and tail of the god Set, "great of strength" ("circle")

Sorry if I went into too much detail for you but if you're still reading I got the ankh and surrounding it are my parents first and middle names "Jeanette Geneva" and "Lloyd Harvey" ....at first I told my dad i was getting a tattoo and he told me to wait a couple of years...I had drawn it out an showed him and he told me him and my mother are not married. i feel like i just wanted to honor my parents with this tattoo this idea has been with me for about three years before i got it. i got it a few weeks after i showed my dad. i told him like 6 months later, he didn't like it much but he said it was my body and i would have to learn the hard way. i still love this tattoo and what i love most about it is that its on my ribs so it will virtually never be seen unless i want to show it or am bending in such a way that it peeks through (that's for my second tattoo)

I then had this wild and crazy idea to get a floral tattoo up and down my ribs, but then I settled for a treble/bass clef heart and two roses on either side of it. I made an appointment and went to my favourite shop (Devils Rose Tattoo in Blue Point,NY...they re less satanic than you would think) I told him what I wanted and showed him images of the heart and a specific rose I wanted. We had a little trouble with the colors and my skin tone because apparently no artist out here wants to work with color on African Americans (city of ink in Atlanta specializes in it, they are amazing if I get out there I def want them to do my next tatt) but eventually he said its your body have whatever color u want and he did an amazing job it turned out beautiful, I think even better than he imagined. so here I was with this tattoo (that i didn't expect to be so low), healing it, which was difficult in that spot and I had ended up somewhat keloiding in the spots that were red....it was a puffy and swollen and didn't heal for a month or so. at the time I was working out in the Hampton's and asked a particular customer what to do and he told me to just keep my routine and wait and it healed fine. when u get green and red ink you run the risk of infection rejection and permanent scarring. luckily it just healed late. i may sound crazy but it was worth the risk. not everyone ends up as lucky

anyway Ive been on here for a while plus i am skyping with a long lost friend and getting tired :) so i will have to include a part 2. part 2 will include:

a video of me getting my 2Nd tattoo (the one on the bottom)

what my church members had to say when i asked them if i should get a tattoo

stigmas with tattoos

possible future tattoos

feel free to comment on your first tattoo

always be yourself

-jennell ujima <3